


Open Secret

by viiaitch



Category: Bleach
Genre: Gen, In a way, M/M, POV Outsider, Public Display of Affection, UraIchi Week 2019
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-23
Updated: 2019-05-23
Packaged: 2020-03-13 04:01:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18932986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/viiaitch/pseuds/viiaitch
Summary: Really, couples are supposed to flirt and be all lovey dovey, right? Every time he’s been at the Shoten and seen Ichigo interact with the creepy shopkeeper, all they do is argue. Or, Ichigo does. Mostly argue and threaten violence.





	Open Secret

**Author's Note:**

> things i don't know how to do:  
> characterize kisuke  
> come up with titles  
> write fic before midnight  
> write characters referring to each other with the correct names because it is 2 am and i do not have the energy to research whether ikkaku would use first or last names for different characters and i'm sure i'm the only person this bothers

“Well,” Ichigo grunts, pushing back from his desk and arching his arms over his head, back making a few painful sound pops and snaps in the process. “I’m off. Don’t wait up on me, and you all better not be in my room when I get home.” There’s a very careful silence and a lot of eyes deliberately glued to phone screens, but Ikkaku’s no coward and mentally projects  _ I’ll stay out of there if you beat me _ . And probably would have said it out loud if Ichigo wasn’t already halfway out the door. “Text me if a problem hollow shows up or something.”

 

There’s a chorus of various ‘bye’s and ‘see ya’s, Ichigo waving a hand over his shoulder as he slips out into the hallway, leaving behind his posse of shinigami and humans with spiritual powers alone in the room.

 

(All the normal human students are too much of cowards to come anywhere near Ikkaku and the other shinigami. It’s almost hilarious, that they get so scared over the littlest things- or it would be if it wasn’t so fucking  _ boring  _ here.)

 

About half of the group roll their eyes the second Ichigo’s back is turned, for some reason. Man, the  _ humans  _ Ikkaku could get having some funny little human secret, but it’s kinda weird when there’s shinigami joining in the silent secondary chorus too. Even Yumichika. What the hell, Yumichika, fraternizing with the weaklings and not inviting Ikkaku along.

 

“The hell was that?”

 

Yumichika the Traitor shares a glance with the  _ Quincy  _ of all people, while a few sets of eyes shift over to Ikkaku.

 

The fuck.

 

Even weirder, it’s Inoue that breaks the awkward silence of the group.

 

“Ah, it’s just… you know, how Ichigo’s always leaving early these days, and heading to the Shoten…” Inoue gestures meaninglessly in front of her.

 

“So? What about it?” Ikkaku is starting to feel like the only one not in on some big conspiracy or inside joke, and doesn’t like it. Is the joke the Shoten? It is kind of a joke of a place. Every part except the training grounds.

 

Inoue’s hands move a bit more wildly and choppily and is Yumichika massaging his forehead, what is wrong with everyone?

 

“The ‘that’ you are asking about,” Ishida cuts in, apparently as done with Inoue’s stuttering and flailing as Ikkaku feels. “Is the fact that Ichigo seems to think he’s being sneaky, when everyone in this room can track him across town even when he’s trying to hide.”

 

Sneaky? From the kid that broke into the Seireitei by firing himself from a huge cannon and smashing through the barrier?

 

Ikkaku is even more confused, and he doesn’t like it.

 

“So he sucks at being sneaky, whatever. Why is it even a secret that he goes there? It’s probably for training or some shit.”

 

“‘Training.’ Right. I’m sure that’s what they call it-” Rukia snickers, and Renji high fives her, and Ikkaku has had about enough of this.

 

“FUCKING TELL ME WHAT’S GOING ON WITH THE CARROT TOP ALREADY OR I SWEAR TO FUCK-”

 

“Oh my god,” Yumichika cuts in, slapping a hand rather inelegantly against Ikkaku’s arm to get his attention. Inelegant? What? And he looks like he’s in physical pain, too. “Oh my god. You haven’t noticed. Of course you haven’t.”

 

There’s absolute silence for a beat, before everyone bursts out into whispers. Even Hitsugaya-taichou seems taken aback, and Ikkaku is about ready to slam out of this body and slam down with some annoying ‘friends’ when Yumichika continues.

 

“Ikkaku, he’s going to see Urahara.”

 

“Yeah, no shit, wh-”

 

“Because he’s been dating him since before we got here.”

 

What?   
  
“What?”

 

A voice suspiciously similar to Renji’s chokes out something along the lines of “Holy fuck he really didn’t notice,” and Ikkaku’s had enough. The desk he’d been perching on promptly gets chucked in the lieutenant’s direction, and Renji’s strangled noise of surprise and pain gets quickly overshadowed by Rukia’s laughter. 

 

“QUIT MAKING SHIT UP THAT MAKES NO SENSE, WHAT, YOU THINK YOU CAN FOOL ME-”

 

“Ikkaku,” Hitsugaya-taichou cuts in, and the temperature drops about 10 degrees in the room, cutting off even Rukia’s mirth. “Calm down. This is nothing to get worked up about. Ichigo’s love life isn’t important as long as it doesn’t interfere with work.”

 

The captain of the 10th is in on this too.

 

Ikkaku is tempted to test his strength against him out of spite, but while he’s impulsive and a thrill seeker, Hitsugaya-taichou is still technically his commanding officer at the moment, and this isn’t the 11th, where picking fights with other members is normal. 

 

Doesn’t do much for his anger at this apparent  _ huge joke being played on him.  _

 

It’s weak, too. Really, couples are supposed to flirt and be all lovey dovey, right? Every time he’s been at the Shoten and seen Ichigo interact with the creepy shopkeeper, all they do is argue. Or, Ichigo does. Mostly argue and threaten violence.

 

Ikkaku pauses.

 

Argue and threaten violence.

 

It suddenly makes perfect sense.

 

“Holy fuck Ichigo’s dating the geezer.”

 

Ikkaku doubts even Hitsugaya-taichou’s bankai could quiet Rukia’s howling at this point.

 

* * *

 

“You got something to say about my strategies, huh?!” Ichigo’s jaw clenches hard enough that Ikkaku can see the veins pulsing in it as he spits the words out. Urahara looks entirely unconcerned. “Why don’t we see how well they work against you then, one on one?”

 

Oh god. No. Why.

 

Ikkaku regrets coming to the human world. No number of potential worthy opponents making their move on Karakura can be worth the image that now conjures to Ikkaku’s mind.

 

Renji coughs somewhere to the side, and Yumichika very un-discreetly smothers his face in his hands.

 

Urahara manages to look entirely unfazed, and about as pleased as a cat. 

 

“You really think giving an old man like me a  _ pounding  _ will prove anything, Kurosaki-san?” Urahara hides his smile behind his fan, suddenly and mysteriously open and in his hand without Ikkaku having seen him reach for it.

 

At least Ichigo has the decency to try and stab Urahara, when the stunned silence after that statement shatters with Rukia’s giggles. At least there’s that.

**Author's Note:**

> i see all you thirsty people reading and kudosing if that's what it comes to- don't worry, i do plan to do at least one more nsfw fic for the week, in the mean time i hope you enjoyed this dumb little thing-


End file.
